Update on love languages!

Thought I'd update you on the love languages that my husband and I have been working on with the kids.  Now, I know it won't be smooth everyday but it really seems to be making everything around here work a little smoother! Each night we play the 'I appreciate that!' game that was described in the book.

It works like this, we go around the table and tell something that we did that day to help or show love to someone at the table.  It might be me cooking the meal or doing laundry or driving someone somewhere. It might be my daughter cleaning up her room or the bathroom without constant reminders.  It might be my son getting up without a big fight or bringing up wood without prompting.  It might be my husband who took out the trash or walked up the drive in the morning to bring me a newspaper.  It might also just be a kind word of encouragement or thanks.  The person who was affected by the act of service, touch, kind words or time says, 'And I appreciate that!'  It seems that simple little game gets everyone working hard to have something to say at the dinnertable.

It's a fun, easy way to remind each of us that our words and actions not only affect us but those around us. 

Like I said before, I'm sure it won't always be easy.  After all, I have two very hormonal teenagers.....but during dinnertime, it has given us direction and has lead to much laughter as we yell 'and I appreciate that!'

Love Languages and Teenagers

My husband and I over the years have taken various classes and workshops to help our reationship, teach us how to be better parents, yada yada yada....   We've learned that I am a lion/beaver and my husband is a lion/golden retriever. That wasn't very helpful in the long run!  But we had a good laugh! We've learned so much, I can't remember it all! Sometimes I wonder how much I've forgotten!

One course that we studied that I really thought was eye-opening was the Five Love Languages of Couples by Gary Chapman.  Once we identified our different love languages, of course, they were not the same, we learned to give each other the types of love that each person needed.  In a nutshell, you really need to read the book, Gary Chapman identifies five different love languages; physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts and quality time.  Each person has a variation of these five languages of love.  A person whose love language is acts of service would feel loved if someone baked them a pie or cleaned up their room.  Those things wouldn't necessarily make a person feel love if their primary love language was words of affirmation. 

When the kids were little, I read the five love languages of children.  I felt that we had pretty much figured out what the kids primary love language.  For my son, it was physical touch.  For my daughter, it was gifts.  Now that they were teenagers, I began to wonder if I was missing something.  I found out that Gary Chapman had written the five love languages of teenagers.  I have been reading it this past Christmas break. 

I had the kids take the test that identified their love languages.  Boy, that was fun!  My son kept calling me Angie from the George Lopez show.  He has been teasing me all week as we play the 'I appreciate that!' game during dinner.    They laughed and laughed while taking it, made funny little remarks about mom and dad, and kept saying, 'I know I'm loved, why do I have to do this?'  Anyway, they finally got the test taken.

It was kind of eye-opening.  They each had different love languages that I had thought!  The ones we thought they were, were actually close seconds but each of them had a different love language.  My sons primary language is now a three way tie with gifts, acts of service and quality time.  My daughters was quality time and words of affirmation.  It was an eye-opener to me.  My husband and I are now going to try to give them more of those languages. 

I'm pretty sure my kids know that we love them but sometimes I think they need to see my husband and I try hard to figure them out.  I'm not sure it that is an act of service or quality time.  Oh well, I'm sure that they appreciate us trying!