It Happened

I'm sitting home by myself on a friday night...husband and son are in Arizona hiking and my daughter and many of her closest friends are experiencing their first junior high dance....Mother's day is coming and somehow, my kids have grown up! 

I don't know when it happened....I still remember how special those first few Mother's Days were to me.  Growing our family through adoption made Mother's Day really, really special and a bit bittersweet.  I was happy, I was finally a mom but I knew that each of my children's birth mothers had a hole in their hearts that day.  I have treasured each mother's day but somewhere along the way....my kids went from being babies to being young adults....

It had to happen..you know, when they are driving you crazy running in the grocery store or even worse, laying in the floor throwing that fit they somehow learned, a little older lady smiles sweetly and says, 'treasure these days, for soon, very soon, they will be over!'  Yeah right!  When you're in the thick of those wonderful (terrible) days, you just want them to end and you to get a good night's sleep!  Well, I'm there, they are almost gone!  And it hurts and I'm sad...but I'm also proud of them both.  My chest bursts with pride when someone outside the family comments on how polite they are or how hard they worked or how giving they both are!  My husband and I seem to be raising two pretty wonderful kids...I'm not sure how we got so lucky! 

It had to happen.....I'm up once again late..but this time, I'm rocking alone in my chair...waiting to be the pick-up mom....

Years ago, I worked for a small, private school.  I loved the other teachers and kids, we were kind of like a big family.  I taught fifth through eighth grade science and math.  After a few years, it got really hard to see kids graduate from eighth grade because I had been their teacher for three years!  They didn't want to go and we, teachers, didn't want them to go.

I realized that the only way I could be a successful teacher was to see those kids go off to high school.  How could I hold them back from achieving their potential?  As my kids grow older and older, I can see how becoming a parent is very much like being a teacher.  If I don't let them grow and go, I will never be a successful parent.  They have to be able to stretch and grow, learning new things, experiencing new experiences and I have to be able to let them.

It's really hard, especially as they are getting old enough to be doing a lot of things without me.  I keep reminding myself that these two kids, who were gifts to begin with, do not belong to me.  They belong to my creator and I've just been incredibly blessed to be a part of their lives.  I can't hold them back because of my fear for them.  I have to let them soar!

So I bite my tongue when they want to try something that I wouldn't do.  I bite my tongue when they like things that I don't really like.  I need to let them become their own persons, not a miniature me.  I am sure that they will be successful adults.  I am proud of them, so very proud.  I just hope I can guide and not control my children.

Growing up....

This sunday was promotion sunday at our church.  My daughter was especially excited about this because it marked her first sunday as a youth!  This had several meanings for her; she got to start going to the youth building for sunday school and she no longer was expected to sit near a parent, either us or another one during church but she was expected to sit with the youth group.  She has been planning this moment all summer!

Promotion sunday is not such a big deal in the adult departments.  We really don't move, the class just reclassifies itself as an older one and we keep going.  Occasionally, a couple will 'move' on to an older class but most of us just keep going, and going, and going to the same class.  When we first started going to this church about eleven years ago, we went to a young married class.  We were between the ages of 25-35 so we fit right in.  We are still classified as a new married class but most of us have youth and some even have college kids!  We all laugh that we are the oldest young married class in the history of Baptist churches! 

Growing up means different things to different people at different stages of life.  To my daughter, growing up means sitting apart from us at church.  To each of us though, it means more responsibilities and higher expectations.  Sitting apart from your parents means you have to take it upon yourself to not talk, pass notes and generally act like a kids.  To an adult, growing up means getting a job and making grown-up decisions about your life; where to live, who to marry, etc. 

I think back to when I was a new youth.  I was so excited to pull away from my parents and become someone different.  Now, looking back, I see that I've pretty much come full circle.  I pulled away, but like a  june bug on a string, I circled around and am now back in the same spot that I left my parents years ago.  Except this time, I am the one standing still while my own children are pulling away.  Makes me look at my own parents with new eyes.  Eyes that have new appreciation for what they have done......