Kate, the snake hunter,.....NOT!

Ok, so you know that I don't like snakes.  I've posted numerous times about how I don't like snakes, hate snakes and generally freak out when I see one.  I'm actually better than I used to be!  I now try to chop off their heads instead of running away screaming.  I guess I'm just getting old and mean!

Most people have dogs that will stand between them and a snake.  Not me.  Oh no!  I have a very large, very fierce looking, very scary bark sounding, black german shephard who is more scared of snakes than me!  Of course, if you are a Merlin-type looking man (grey beard wearing a wand), she's going to tear you to pieces.  Think the bug man, the cable man...any man that is carrying something that looks like a stick!  Someone in her, before us, life must have been mean to her and that someone must have been an older man with a beard.  Anyway, she'll protect me from any human, squirrel, mole or deer(if I tell her too, if not, she'll stand on the porch and watch them) but she draws the line at snakes. 

The other day, I found a teeny tiny black snake taking a nap in my garden.  I have gotten better because as long as the black snake is not fifty-eleven feet long, I'll take it on an airplane trip into the woods using my rake.  I just wrap it around the rake and 'fling' straight into the woods where it can live happily ever after eating all sorts of other mean snakes.  Well, I found this little thing and called Kate, who was guarding the entrance to the garden so an armadillo couldn't sneak up on me, to see the snake.  She came running over, tail up and wagging.  When I pointed out the snake and said 'get it', she dropped her tail, whined and took off running out of the garden and onto the back porch.  I couldn't get her to come off that porch! 

I think my dog is more afraid of snakes than me.....oh yeah!

Charlie, my little green snake

Ok, ok, I tend to name almost anything that lives in my yard or I own.  Hence, my van, Suzi Q who gets treated like a member of the family and Sarah, the wild turkey (she is a bird, not a drink!).  Actually, my neighbor named her, we're quite a bit a like.  I also have a green snake named Charlie.

Now, you know that I don't like snakes by now if you've read any of my posts.  I am terrified of them because they are just so sneaky and since I'm usually wandering around not paying attention to anything, the snake seems to jump out of nowhere and startle me out of my wits.

Except Charlie.  I kind of like Charlie.  He's been here for at least five years and he lives over in the east side in a flowerbed.  He likes irises because that is usually where I see him.  The first few years, I swear he would try to scare me.  I would be up to my eyebrows weeding the irises and suddenly, there he would be, staring at me eyeball to eyeball.  I think one reason that I don't like snakes is that they don't have eyelashes.  Staring into an eye that is naked is kind of weird.  If God had given snakes eyelashes, they would seem so much sweeter.  Take a snake and put big cow eyes on it and suddenly, that old snake becomes cuddly. 

Since Charlie is only about a foot long and bright green, I've simply grown accustomed to him.  I expect to see him draped over the iris leaves.  I think he knew that, so he's moved to the lilac beds to keep me on my toes!  I was watering tonight and almost reached in to pull a bright green weed when it suddenly moved.  I imagined that Charlie yelled out 'Gotcha!'  It's good to have friends in the yard!

Just Call Me Snake-killer!

Ok, you know I don't like snakes.  Not just don't like, I hate snakes!  Any snake.  Last night, I had to kill a snake who had taken up residence in my yard.  And not just any snake, it was at least four feet long! 

It has turned really hot in Oklahoma the past few days and we're in for at least a week of over ninety degree days with very little rain.  I spent the last few days setting up my irrigation system for my extensive flower and vegetable gardens.  I have them on timers so I don't spend the entire day dragging hoses around.  But last night, I just felt like dragging a hose and doing a little watering and checking in on things around the garden.  I had drug the hose across the yard several times and finally set up my water system on one of my perimeter beds.  After doing all that, I was a dripping wet, sweaty, stinky person who needed a dip in the pool.  My daughter was already in the pool and the men folk were playing an evening round of golf. 

I cooled off in the pool awhile and decided that I really needed a dreamcicle.  The Schwan man has these low-fat dreamcicle bars that are to die for.  I grabbed my ice cream and went to turn off the water.  I started across the yard that I had crossed at least ten times already and froze.  I saw a very long black tapered tail!  It didn't belong to anyone who belonged in my yard!  I screamed, jumped and did my save me Jesus dance across the yard and ran to the garage in a panic.  Standing in my garage, in my swimsuit and flip-flops, holding my ice cream bar, I suddenly realized that the men were gone and I was on my own! 

I made a decision, I either had to kill the snake, or move to a different county.  I decided that I liked where we lived so I had to kill the snake.  I took off my flip-flops and put on my mudder boots.  I grabbed a post hole shovel, with a straight edge, and an axe.  Around the house I went.  My daughter had gotten out of the pool and was standing on the deck asking if I was ok.  I was still praying out loud and she was concerned. 

I called Kate, the big german shephard, thinking that she would be of help.  Boy was I wrong!  She took one look at the snake, who by this time was slithering up the oak tree, and went back to the pool.  Some guard dog!  I decided that the only thing that she will attack is a man with a beard carrying a stick or wand.  So if Merlin the wizard ever comes to attack me, she'll help me!

I finally decided to cut the snakes head off with the straight edge of the shovel.  I handed my daughter the axe and told her to 'stand back'.  I pinned that snake to the tree but it wouldn't die!  I'm sure if a person had walked up it would have made  funny picture.  A lady in big green boots wearing a swimsuit screaming and praying holding a shovel up to a tree!  That stupid snake wouldn't die!  I finally got it onto the ground and cut off it's head with the axe. 

After we were sure that the snake was a goner, I realized that I hadn't finished my ice cream! I apparently had just dropped it when I saw the snake.  All that was left was a very clean stick, my guard dog had eaten my dreamcicle!  I put all the snake-killing equipment back in the garage, took off my boots and got me another icecream bar.  I felt like I deserved it!

My husband said the snake was a good snake, that it ate rats and mice.  I don't care.  I think I like rats and mice better than snakes.  When it moves in my yard, it is as good as dead!  Just call me the snake-killer! Oh, and my daughter said she was proud of me, I killed it without help from dad!  But she did say I was pretty funny while I did it!

A snake in the grass!

My wonderful husband was helping me cut the daffodil leaves this weekend.  They are turning brown so now is the time to get rid of them and plant something that will give me summer bloom.  I have been starting zinnias, cleome and several other annuals that need to get in the ground NOW!

Normally, I pay my daughter to cut the spent leaves but this year, well, she has been one busy girl and didn't have time.  I'll come up with some other garden task so she now that school is over so she can make some summer spending money. 

I was using small hand clippers to cut my hundreds of bulb leaves and my wonderful husband volunteered to wield the big shears for me.  I just had to gather the clumps of leaves up and 'whack' he cut them all off in one swipe.   Now, my hubby and I have been married a good long time.  Long enough that we know each other pretty well.  Long enough to finish each other's sentences.  Long enough, that when we go to a restaurant, he'll often ask me what he'd like on the menu!  Long enough for him to know my feelings concerning SNAKES!  I come from a long line of snake haters.  My grandma Shaw used to walk us kids in the woods with a hoe in one hand.  When people asked what the hoe was for, she'd very calmly reply 'the hoe is for YOU to kill the snake.' What she didn't say was that she'd already be home before the hoe ever hit the ground!  I feel the same way.

As a science teacher, I know that snakes do good for the environment.  I know that they keep the small mammal population in check, I know that they eat insects and many other things.  My scientific mind knows all that.  However, my inner EVE feels that all the worlds problems can be blamed on that snake!  I have reconciled both of those people living inside me ( no, I'm not Sybil, I don't specifically have this conversation out loud!) with the fact that snakes can live in peace and harmony with me as long as they stay off my property!  I have even removed non-poisonous snakes from my property into the woods behind my house. 

I think the big problem I have with snakes is that they tend to sneak up on me.  I'll be happily focused on my work and all the sudden, here's this snake looking at me, usually not alarmed at all.  I have a green snake in my iris bed that gets his thrills that way.  I'll be working and pulling weeds and all the sudden he's right in my face spread over two or three plants scaring the daylights out of me!

I have a special 'save me Jesus' snake dance that I tend to do when I've spotted a snake.  It's a mix of a jump that Michael Jordan would be proud of and a very loud prayer.  I had a car stop in the road once to make sure that I was alright after witnessing my dance over a copperhead that I spotted.  The poor man was trying not to laugh as he told me he was sure I saw a snake because he knew a short little thing like me wouldn't normally jump five feet straight up and over unless it was a snake.  What can I say, I have fast reflexes!

Well, to make a long story short, my husband let me put my hands all around a little snake while I was collecting daffodil leaves.  He says he didn't want to alarm me and that he planned to get it relocated once I had moved on.  He says he didn't want me hurting myself getting out of the way. I think he was wanting to see the 'save me Jesus' dance because he hadn't had much entertainment lately.  That or he's just evil.  All I know is that now I've pulled a rib muscle and can't move at all.  I think I'd better start carrying a hoe like Grandma Shaw did, I'm getting too old for the dance!