Ok, you know I don't like snakes. Not just don't like, I hate snakes! Any snake. Last night, I had to kill a snake who had taken up residence in my yard. And not just any snake, it was at least four feet long!
It has turned really hot in Oklahoma the past few days and we're in for at least a week of over ninety degree days with very little rain. I spent the last few days setting up my irrigation system for my extensive flower and vegetable gardens. I have them on timers so I don't spend the entire day dragging hoses around. But last night, I just felt like dragging a hose and doing a little watering and checking in on things around the garden. I had drug the hose across the yard several times and finally set up my water system on one of my perimeter beds. After doing all that, I was a dripping wet, sweaty, stinky person who needed a dip in the pool. My daughter was already in the pool and the men folk were playing an evening round of golf.
I cooled off in the pool awhile and decided that I really needed a dreamcicle. The Schwan man has these low-fat dreamcicle bars that are to die for. I grabbed my ice cream and went to turn off the water. I started across the yard that I had crossed at least ten times already and froze. I saw a very long black tapered tail! It didn't belong to anyone who belonged in my yard! I screamed, jumped and did my save me Jesus dance across the yard and ran to the garage in a panic. Standing in my garage, in my swimsuit and flip-flops, holding my ice cream bar, I suddenly realized that the men were gone and I was on my own!
I made a decision, I either had to kill the snake, or move to a different county. I decided that I liked where we lived so I had to kill the snake. I took off my flip-flops and put on my mudder boots. I grabbed a post hole shovel, with a straight edge, and an axe. Around the house I went. My daughter had gotten out of the pool and was standing on the deck asking if I was ok. I was still praying out loud and she was concerned.
I called Kate, the big german shephard, thinking that she would be of help. Boy was I wrong! She took one look at the snake, who by this time was slithering up the oak tree, and went back to the pool. Some guard dog! I decided that the only thing that she will attack is a man with a beard carrying a stick or wand. So if Merlin the wizard ever comes to attack me, she'll help me!
I finally decided to cut the snakes head off with the straight edge of the shovel. I handed my daughter the axe and told her to 'stand back'. I pinned that snake to the tree but it wouldn't die! I'm sure if a person had walked up it would have made funny picture. A lady in big green boots wearing a swimsuit screaming and praying holding a shovel up to a tree! That stupid snake wouldn't die! I finally got it onto the ground and cut off it's head with the axe.
After we were sure that the snake was a goner, I realized that I hadn't finished my ice cream! I apparently had just dropped it when I saw the snake. All that was left was a very clean stick, my guard dog had eaten my dreamcicle! I put all the snake-killing equipment back in the garage, took off my boots and got me another icecream bar. I felt like I deserved it!
My husband said the snake was a good snake, that it ate rats and mice. I don't care. I think I like rats and mice better than snakes. When it moves in my yard, it is as good as dead! Just call me the snake-killer! Oh, and my daughter said she was proud of me, I killed it without help from dad! But she did say I was pretty funny while I did it!