Monday, August 16, 2010


This post is not for men today, sorry.  If you're a man that normally reads this either; a) turn your computer off and walk away or b) read and try to learn something about the innerworkings of a madwoman since most of you know someone close to you who goes through this status once a month!

I hate PMS! I've always suffered some form of PMS from moodiness and insomnia to migraines and periodic bouts of insanity!  Each month, when my little friend, George, that's what we called it in middle school, showed up, I'd have a really crappy couple of days and then I was back to normal.  Nowadays, many, many months will go by with pretty much nothing and then WHAM!!! all of George's pent up frustrations would be taken out on me in a couple of days.  This month was a WHAM!! month.  The days leading up to greeting George makes you want get the M in PMS started already!

I've always told my husband that I needed a little dot in the center of my forehead, kind of like Hindu women have, so he could gauge my mood swings from afar.  You see, he comes in and before he gets too close, he sees that the dot is green so he kisses me and asks, 'what's for dinner?' If the dot is red, he sits down, out of arms range and says, 'what say, I take you out for dinner?'.  It would be so much easier on him if I had one of those dots.  Instead the poor man and now the poor children are left to wonder who is standing in the kitchen; normal mom who can take just about anything and laugh and joke about while making up silly songs and dancing kind of like Paula Abdul or psychomom who either cries at the drop of a hat, or ice cube, or sock or is screaming and yelling like one of those congressmen up in Washington when they aren't getting their way!

I usually don't realize that I'm in that mood for at least a couple of hours when it hits.  I know that it's a few days before George is supposed to hit but since this doesn't happen each month, it always sneaks up on me.  After a few episodes, I realize I am in full PMS mode.  Doesn't matter though, even though I know that I am being meaner than a snake, I really don't care!  That's where the crazy comes in! I sometimes like it! 

Then, just as suddenly as it came on, the pendulum swings the other way and I'm weepy and sad.  Oh hormones, why do you mess with me so?

Now days, my daughter is experiencing the joys of womanhood too.  The last time she had an episode, she almost killed her older brother.  He was horrified because she's normally a very mild-mannered child and puts up with almost anything her older bro can dish out.  I stepped in and led her to my bedroom and calmly explained the situation.  I made her lay down, propped her feet up with a pillow and handed her the remote.  I then brought her a piece of good dark chocolate and a dr. pepper.  When she emerged from the bedroom a few hours later, she was a new creature.  Her brother, however, began to understand that she could be a formidable opponent when she wanted to be.  I think he looks at her with new respect!

Oh the joys of womanhood! I just can't wait until menopause!

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